Unmitigated Anger

A barrage of vile bile pours forth from my keyboard in my letters to the editor, whether taking out some climate denier,  castigating drivers speeding to pass me and cut me off as the lane narrows in a construction zone.  Taking all to task and eviscerating them all for their indiscretions, impositions and plain rudeness , afflicting the quality of my life.  And then, after finishing my vicious invectives, placing them in an envelope,  thinking about them and my reactions...  then throwing them all  into the trash?

Oh Hell no,no, NO- I pound on upside down flag stamps and get those suckers into the mail pronto, in my maelstrom of vented anger.

One of the grand rewards in creeping curmedgeonism is the release from throttles and safeguards of propriety and constraint .  It is but small compensation for having to get up to pee every two hours in the night.   No longer shackled by the bonds of “political correctness,” I am freed to gambol freely in fields of outrage, indignation, and  vented anger.

A barrage of cabbage induced flatulence clouding toward the damned kid who will not stop kicking the back of my seat on a seven hour flight to London.  Take that, you little rug rat !

To the woman with a Las Vegas buffet piled cart,  in the 15 items or less grocery line, flipping thru her double cross- indexed partitioned portfolio of coupons delaying further  the long line (in which I take up the rear) growing behind her dalliance, I loudly inquire - “I guess you pretty much slept thru remedial math in your school, huh?”

Reserved for the jock oaf who pushes past me in my actuated handicapped door entrance- the new knowledge that I have become very adept at my cane insertion between rapidly moving past me ankles.

That vexing child who was a endearing precious precocious darling at 4 and now has become a snotty loudmouth tedium at eight, insinuated by doting parents into ADULT gatherings, will surely enjoy the hades hot capsaicin-laced treats especially destined by me for her Halloween basket.

For the troll who flashes me in the restroom of the convention I am attending, the flip comeuppance, “Yes, it has a cute resemblance to a penis, only smaller.”

And to the “augmented” eye candy offending an entire Wal Mart in her straining top and barely confining pair of fushia spandex leggings (forever staining my gay fashion sensibilities) - “ I must compliment you on your outfit dear, it’s too bad they didn’t have it in your size.

Yes, the freedom of being able to direct all this bad energy into the ether is soothingly cathartic.

But, surely you do realize I am not capable of any of this at all, don’t you?  I’m w-a-y too much a wuss.  Condemned to my stifled  life of “grin and bear it.”

And this is what  REALLY pisses me off !

  Old Man Wendt 470 words

Best Weddings

# 1 Best Wedding- I forget her name but she was the daughter of a privately held Fortune 500 Company . Dad had died and Mother was heir and arranged her wedding to a Greek shipping Company President’s son.  My Company VP knew her but I was tasked with her honeymoon so I got a wedding invite.  Honeymoon was Concorde to Paris , then private jet to Nice a week at  Hotel Du Cap, Private jet to Rome, boarding a Silversea cruise of the Med 14 days.  On the cruise two things that were hard.- One Mom wanted 4 dozen hot pink roses at every port.  Europe has red roses, white roses, yellow roses, white roses and even pink roses, but NOT hot pink roses which are a US product.  So I had to arrange a foreign expediter to work with the florist I found .  Besides the customs issues, I had to arrange fresh timed for arrival at each destination port and make sure the flowers were in a refrigerated truck.  Each port shipment was thousands of dollars . O.K. second problem the Greek groom was 6'7" and didn’t fit in the standard king cruise bedding which is usually two queens together.  Not only did I have to find a custom mattress maker but regulations are strict about a marine certified mattress by the Europe Maritime commission.  So I had to find a custom ship EU Maritime certified  mattress maker that had experience helping to get it shipped to the boat and coordiate the whole thing with the Cruise Line and get it taken off the ship after ( Mom thankfully didn’t want it shipped back to the Us, so I had to get it off loaded by a salvage company) .  That cost her a pretty coin.

The actual wedding.Mom is based in Atlanta but chose Chicago for the reception. Ritz Carlton Ballroom .Respectable enough but “Mom” didn’t like the drapery fabric and the banquet chair upholstery, so she had designer fabric made for all the ballroom floor to ceiling windows .  I forget who but I think it was Ralph Lauren.  She also had the cahir upholstered in matching fabric.  Thank God that all was done by the wedding planner ( Who had totake it all down and put back the original fabrics

It went off well .  I heard she offered a big tip but Jeff said “no”  

Ritz Carlton Chicago Ballroom

# 2 best wedding.  My bosses daughter wedding at the Intercontinental Hotel Michigan Avenue.  Marriage in the ballroom and then out to an ante room for appetizers and Hors d'oeuvres.  It was set up with different stations .  There was a
“Homestyle” which had burgers, Mac n Cheese, Chicago style hot dogs, fries .  A frensh station with braised scallops, escargot, lamb lollipops, stuffed mushrooms, and asparagus stuffed puff pastries. An Italian station with mini pizzas, prosciutto wrapped melon, Salami and fig crostini, and Caprese salad cups.  And finally a Chinese table with egg rolls, cocunut shrimp, won ton and plum sauce, and potstickers.  

Then back into the rearranged ballroom lit on two levels with candles, an orchestra on stage with two vocalists and three gorgeous women violinists.  A multi course dinner was served with breaks for the talent and dancing.   At the end a sumptious Jewish dessert table laden with unimaginable treats.  It all was black tie and I heard that ll the Michigan Avenue boutiques were sold out of designer gowns